


Fall Apart

by nanaa127



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Drug Use, Gen, M/M, Overworked Ignis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-19 14:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20658890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanaa127/pseuds/nanaa127
Summary: Ignis would grind himself to dust for Noct. That's not what Noct wants.





	1. Chapter 1

"Mr. Scientia. A word please?"

"Of course, Councilman." Ignis absolutely did not fidget, glance at his phone or wonder how he'd make it to his next meeting on time because Ignis was a professional, but also because Nec Morari was a important man from a highly influential family.

"As I'm sure you're aware, the end of the fiscal year is fast approaching, which means a yearly review of Lucis' budget." 

"I am, yes." Ignis had been attending Council meetings for a little over two years now, and as far as he could tell, it was one of the largest, most arduous responsibilities of the governing body. Morari was recently appointed the head of the committee that oversaw the review, and therefore was one of the few men that controlled the kingdom's purse strings.

"I'd like for you to sit on the committee this year. I know you're young, but I think that sharp mind of yours could provide some valuable input."

The mention of his age washed over the chamberlain without notice. Morari himself wasn't particularly old - he'd inherited the coveted if difficult Council position from his late father just a few months ago. Rather, it was shock that flooded him over the unexpected request that grabbed his attention. "I - well, thank you, sir. I appreciate the opportunity." His sleep schedule probably wouldn't appreciate it, but small sacrifices would always have to be made.

Morari raised an eyebrow. "Don't thank me yet. You'll be helping me account for the expenditures of the outlying regions. 

Ignis blinked. "All of them?"

"Yes." Morari's shrewd eyes narrowed. "Is it too much?"

"No...no sir. It would be my honor." What else could he say? It was an enormous assignment, but also a chance for Ignis to prove that the prince had a capable team around him, one that would be worthy of ruling Lucis one day. He could perhaps even use it as an opportunity to establish allies for Noct. _Yes._ Ignis straightened his already perfect posture. He could be useful to Morari, which would be useful for Noctis.

"Excellent. I have other, ah, duties that I must focus on, which will leave me with less time than I need to do a thorough review. I'm counting on you to go over the documents and to condense the information for me."

"I understand."

"Make sure that you do. I'm certain you're already aware of what the other Councilors say about your presence amongst us. I'm giving you an opportunity to prove them wrong, so don't disappoint me. Or yourself."

"I don't intend to, my lord." Ignis blinked again, mentally checking over his calendar. The yearly review was a little over two months away, which meant he would have to start grinding through reports immediately if he wanted any chance of actually accomplishing his task and giving it the attention it required.

Morari nodded in haughty satisfaction. "Contact my office and they'll get you the files you need."

"I will," Ignis murmured as the older man walked away. "Thank you."

____________________

"Ignis? May I have a moment?" 

He skidded to a halt when he heard his name, nearly colliding with one of the statuettes that had been placed rather inconveniently at the center of a corridor T-junction. Ignis swept down into a bow, his fist landing against a thick folder stuffed with papers rather than his chest. "Your Majesty."

Regis gave him a kind smile, leaning heavily against a cane that he'd recently taken to carrying with him. Clarus Amicitia stood behind his right shoulder, an ever steady presence behind his king. "I'm sorry for slowing you down. You seem to be in a hurry."

Well yes, Ignis had been in a rush because he was on the cusp of being late to yet another training session, but one did not tell the king such things. Not even when the threat of acting as Cor's live training dummy for the third time in two weeks - a painful punishment for tardiness - was hanging over one's head. "No apology is necessary, Your Majesty."

The king waved him closer. "Walk with me for a bit, Ignis. There is something I wish to discuss."

Ignis obeyed immediately, shifting the weight of his files from one arm to the other, and slowly began to walk beside Regis. He already had a good idea of what the king wanted, as there was only one topic which was exclusively theirs.

"How is Noctis enjoying life outside the Citadel?"

"Well enough, Your Majesty." Noct had officially moved out a year ago to experience the life of an Insomnian citizen, and also so he could get away from the obvious, probing eyes that were on him at all times at the Citadel. He had christened his own, private - or at least, marginally more private - space by decorating it like a pigsty. Ignis was waging a continuous, lonely war against a persistent pileup of garbage and dirty dishes. The daily battle was tough, but he was determined not to lose. He was not going to allow the prince to wallow amongst a pile of empty soda cans and candy wrappers.

"That's good to hear," Regis said. "How is he doing at school?"

"School is...a work in progress," Ignis hedged. Noctis was unquestionably intelligent, but sadly allergic to homework and studying in general. There was no point in lying about it - Ignis knew that the king received reports about Noct's performance. Not even Ignis' persistent encouragement could keep all of Noctis' grades up. 

The king chuckled fondly. "Yes, I imagine that is so. Noctis never had much patience for study, even when he was a small child." Regis glanced at Ignis. "And is he happy?"

Ignis paused. Was the prince happy? It could be difficult to tell, nowadays. There were some times when it was hard for Ignis to reconcile the sweet, happy four year old he'd first met with the sullen teenager that often grunted his way through their conversations. Noctis' black moods were utterly unpredictable, and it had taken Ignis a while to learn how to let them roll off his back. He desperately wished there was some way he could soothe away all of Noct's troubles, but he'd yet to find a solution. On some days, even the pastries Ignis baked couldn't entice the prince to get out of bed. Those were bad days for them both.

"Ignis?" 

The chamberlain started when he realized that he'd been silent for too long. "He's a teenager, Your Majesty, with a teenager's tendency for melancholy," Ignis finally said. 

Regis nodded. "He's much like I was, when I was that age." The king stopped in his tracks, and both Ignis and Clarus halted as well. "Thank you for being honest with me, Ignis. You know Noctis better than anyone, now."

The wistful note in the king's voice made Ignis cringe a bit, on the inside. He wished he could argue the point, but there was no purpose in denying something they both knew to be true. "Serving Noctis is a privilege and my pleasure," was all he said. 

"You've done very well by him, Ignis, as I knew you would."

"And I shall continue to do so." 

"I don't doubt it. I know you're a busy man, Ignis, but I'd like for us to meet whenever possible. I fear I haven't been as...attentive as I should be. It would mean a great deal to me to hear about how Noctis is doing directly from you."

Ignis didn't ask why the king didn't simply meet with his own son. There were parts of Noctis' life where even the chamberlain tread lightly. Instead, Ignis replied, "I'd be happy to, Your Majesty." He had a feeling his packed schedule was going to require some major reshuffling in order to accommodate the king's request, but the idea of refusing never crossed his mind.

Regis smiled, looking pleased. "Wonderful. I look forward to it, Ignis."

Ignis swept into another bow as the king and his Shield took their leave. He glanced at his phone and sighed. If he hadn't been late to training before, he certainly was now. Ignis suspected that even an impromptu audience with the king wouldn't be a satisfactory excuse for Cor, and resigned himself to a fresh round of bruises. 

____________________

"Oh, shit. Hey Specs?"

The words had been said quietly, but it was enough to freeze Ignis as he was putting his shoes on. Those four words together never boded anything good. "Yes? What is it?"

A tuft of black hair poked up from behind the back of the couch where Noctis had been lounging, completely engrossed in his phone. "I, uh, forgot I have a report due for school tomorrow."

Ignis fought the urge to sigh. It would only make Noctis defensive, and a defensive prince would not be a cooperative prince. "A report on what?" he asked patiently.

"Some book we were supposed to read." Blue eyes squinted at him uncertainly.

"I see. And have you actually read the book?"

Noctis shifted. "I started it," he said, a hint of guilt creeping into his words.

This time Ignis allowed himself a slow, quiet little exhale. He stood by the door with one shoe off and one shoe on, caught between the dying hope that he'd be able to go home now and get some work done and the certain knowledge that he'd be spending a few more hours at Noctis' flat. Ignis was already falling behind his self-imposed schedule for reviewing the financial documents from Lucis' outlying territories, and he resigned himself to the fact that he'd be sacrificing yet another night of sleep in order to make up some ground. "When was this assigned?"

"Um. Last week?"

The headache that had been threatening to emerge all evening finally decided to make its presence felt. Ignis pressed his fingers against his temples, willing the throbbing to subside. "Noctis. Was it necessary to leave this until the very last minute?"

The prince shrugged. "I told you, I forgot. I was caught up in planning Prompto's birthday thing and it slipped my mind." 

Of course. Apparently, a band that both Prompto and Noctis liked would be playing at a popular venue around the time of Prompto's birthday, and the prince had decided to surprise his friend with tickets and a private backstage meet-and-greet. Noctis had insisted on contacting the band manager and arranging everything himself, although the task of vetting the venue and ensuring an appropriate level of security had fallen to Ignis. Still, the chamberlain found it hard to begrudge the extra work - it was a sweet, generous gesture, and Noctis had been more animated about planning the birthday surprise than he'd been about anything else in weeks. 

"What was the book you were supposed to have read?"

"I think it was called _A Vine Down an Ivory Tower_?"

At least the title was familiar, which was a relief. Ignis slipped his shoe off and set his briefcase down. "Well, we'd best get started, then," he said briskly. "I can give you a synopsis of the novel, and then we can discuss how best to tackle your report."

Noctis clambered off the sofa and grabbed his laptop. "Okay, sure. Thanks, Iggy."

The smile that was thrown his way was small and half-hearted, but it was enough to shore up Ignis' flagging energy. "You're welcome," he said. He grabbed himself another can of Ebony from the fridge and frowned at the two cans left standing. He could have sworn that he'd bought a twelve pack just a few days ago. _Ah well_, Ignis thought. _There are worse habits, I suppose._

It was almost two in the morning by the time a report had been composed to Ignis' satisfaction. Noct lazily punched the air in sleepy victory after the chamberlain gave his final approval. "It's bedtime!" he declared. "Man, I am fucking beat."

"Language, Your Highness," Ignis murmured as he stood. His eyes felt gritty with fatigue and the headache that had been plaguing him all night was currently trying to pound his brains into mush. Nevertheless, he felt a flush of pride. It had taken a bit of prodding, but Noctis had, in the end, done an excellent job. Now if only Ignis could get him to start earlier...

Noct waved away Ignis' admonishment. "I'm too fucking tired to care," he said with a smirk. He watched as Ignis gathered the empty coffee mugs and set them in the sink. "It's late, Specs. Why don't you just crash here?"

The offer was hugely tempting. There was an extra set of clothes and a spare toothbrush waiting for him in the guest room just for times like these. As if Noct could tell that his advisor was wavering, he turned wide blue eyes on Ignis and wheedled, "Come on. You're gonna end up wrapped around a lamp post if you drive home now. Stay, Iggy."

He wanted to. Six, but he wanted to. Ignis wanted to curl up on the comfortable guest bed, burrow under the feather duvet, sleep for twenty hours straight, and then wake up for a slow, relaxed breakfast with Noct. But he couldn't; he still had so much work to catch up on. If he didn't try to do at least some of it tonight, Ignis knew he'd regret it sorely in the days to come. Besides, he had to be up at five for an early training session that he absolutely could not afford to miss. Ignis reasoned that it would be better to forego three measly hours sleep tonight and finish reviewing the expenditure reports from Duscae in the hopes that that he'd be able to get to bed at a decent hour tomorrow night.

"Thank you for offering, but I can't," he said regretfully. "I still have work to do, and it's better I do it at home. I'm sorry." Refusing the prince always left a sour little pit resting heavy in his stomach - the impulse to please Noct was deeply ingrained into every fiber of his being, and going against it struck a horrible, jarring chord that he felt down into his bones. And yet, Ignis' primary duty was to look after the prince's well-being, and he didn't want to stay and risk the chance of keeping Noct up as well. There was no need for both of them to go without sleep.

Noctis' playful expression shuttered up and settled back into its customary indifferent arrangement. "Alright, whatever," he said dismissively. The speed with which Noctis' moods shifted left Ignis dizzy, sometimes. The prince yawned and stretched before heading towards his room, avoiding Ignis' eyes. "I'm going to bed."

"Good night, Noct," Ignis said quietly. He knew he was making the right decision, but for some reason it didn't feel like it. "I'll see you tomorrow."

____________________

"You can wake up now, Scientia. The boring part's over."

A hard nudge to his arm startled Ignis awake with a tiny, undignified snort. "What?"

"Partied hard last night?" Feris, the classmate that had prodded him to consciousness, gave him a quick, dirty smile. 

"Hardly." Ignis quietly cleared his throat and tried to pretend like he hadn't just fallen asleep during his lecture. It took a moment longer than it should have for Ignis to remember that he was currently sitting in Professor Emory's sustainable development class, which looked to be over. The rest of the students walked by as they filed out of the lecture hall, with a few of them throwing Ignis amused glances. Ignis would have buried his face in his hands in embarrassment, if he was the type of person to do such a thing. Instead, he resolutely pushed his glasses up his nose and began to gather his notes. He could only hope that the professor hadn't witnessed his lapse in attention.

"Yeah well, you look like you've been on a weeklong bender," Feris said. "Don't you ever sleep?"

"Apparently I do," Ignis muttered. He briefly squeezed his eyes shut, trying to anchor himself through a whirl of lightheadedness. "Did I miss anything important?"

"Oh, yeah. Emory said no final exams for this semester. He's gonna have us develop resource management plans for a new hypothetical settlement in Leide instead." Feris rolled his eyes, letting Ignis know exactly what he thought of that edict.

Just wonderful. Ignis had no choice but to agree with his fellow student's annoyance and fought the urge to groan. Studying for an exam would have taken minimal effort; the same could not be said for putting together a project. "Please tell me this isn't a group assignment," Ignis said. 

"It's not, you overachiever. We're on our own, so you can hog all the glory when you get the highest marks in the class." Feris' friendly tone took the sting out of the words.

Before Ignis could thank him for the information, the young man threw a clear plastic baggie onto Ignis' notebooks. The chamberlain picked it up and stared blankly at the little white tablets inside. "What's this?"

Feris shrugged. "It's a study aide. You know, a little pick-me-up for when the caffeine doesn't cut it. You look like you could use it."

Ignis' lips tightened. He held the bag back out to Feris. "I appreciate the thought," he said shortly, "but it's unnecessary." 

The other student made a skeptical face and crossed his arms. "Is it? You live with an Ebony can basically glued to your hand, and you still fell asleep in class."

"That's none of your concern," Ignis snapped.

"No need to get pissy, I'm just trying to be helpful. They're totally legal, if that's what you're worried about. Think of it like drinking like ten cups of coffee in one go."

When Ignis didn't respond and kept holding the bag out, Feris sighed dramatically and waved his hands. "Whatever, man. Keep it, throw it away, I don't care. I've got a ton of the stuff. Practically everyone uses it, you know?" With that, the other student walked away, leaving Ignis sitting with his arm hanging uselessly in the air.

"Of all the ridiculous..." Ignis stopped mid-tirade when he realized what time it was. He was supposed to pick up Noct in ten minutes, which was simply not going to happen unless he managed to grow wings. Ignis stuffed the baggie into his briefcase along with his notebooks and immediately forgot about it as soon as he snapped it shut, racing out of the university building and towards his car. The prince was his immediate priority, he could deal with everything else later.


	2. Chapter 2

"Specs. Specs. Specs. SPECS."

Ignis reluctantly tore his attention away from the packet of papers in his lap. "Yes, Your Highness? Do you need something?"

"Yeah, I need you to tell me why we're watching this boring ass movie if you're not even gonna pay attention!"

The chamberlain peered distractedly at the television, where black-and-white characters stood about in a black-and-white parlour, drinking black-and-white cocktails. "I thought you liked this film." They certainly watched it together often enough.

"Noooo..." Noctis drawled. "_You_ like this movie. I'd rather watch just about anything else. So would Prompto, if he was actually awake." Noctis gently nudged at the sleeping boy with his elbow. Prompto kept snoring on, his head tilted back, mouth open and his shirt covered in popcorn bits.

"He's picking up your sleeping habits," Ignis noted. 

"I don't look like that when I sleep," Noct grouched.

"And how would you know?" Ignis asked. He smiled when the prince scowled at him. "Why don't you put on something you like? I don't mind." He did indeed enjoy the film that was on, and was a bit surprised to learn that Noct didn't feel the same way. Ignis supposed he shouldn't be - normally, the prince's taste in movies tended to lean more towards guns and explosions than witty conversation.

"I'm sure you wouldn't," Noct muttered. "It'll just make it easier for you to ignore, right?"

"I'm not ignoring anything."

Noctis rolled his eyes. "Please, Iggy. You've barely looked up since we started. What's so interesting, anyway?"

The advisor looked back down at the documents he'd been perusing. "My notes from the day's Council meetings. I was planning on writing a summary for you, but if you'd prefer I could read them out loud?"

The prince groaned. "Gods, no. What I'd prefer is for you to stop thinking about all that shit for like two seconds. We're supposed to be hanging out."

Ignis was confused. "I thought that's what we were doing?"

Noctis threw him a look that suggested Ignis was completely hopeless. Those had certainly gotten more frequent as the prince progressed into his teenage years. "Prompto and I are hanging out. Or at least we were, until he checked out on me. You, on the other hand, are just sitting over there working. As usual."

"Oh." Ignis frowned. He still had quite a bit to do, but the night was still young, and a canceled meeting had unexpectedly opened up an hour in his schedule the next morning. The compulsive need to plow through the rest of his papers warred with the note of displeasure in Noct's tone, and the fight was over almost before it began. With a silent sigh, Ignis neatly stacked his documents and set them aside. "Well then. I've heard the new John Wick is quite good."

"Alright!" Noctis clapped loudly, a wide grin splitting his face. "Now we're talking."

"What?" Prompto jerked awake, his blonde hair pressed lopsidedly against his head.

"We're gonna watch something fun, Prompto. You woke up just in time."

"That's great?" 

"You bet. Get over here, Specs." Noct enthusiastically slapped the cushion next to him, and Ignis did as he was bid, leaving the soft embrace of his lonely armchair and taking his place next to his prince. As soon as he sat, Noctis threw the blanket he was sharing with Prompto over Ignis' lap and leaned up against him. Ignis quietly savored the closeness; it had become a rare thing, lately. With Noct's warm weight against him, Ignis leaned back into the couch and forced himself to release the tension in his neck and shoulders. He could relax, just the once. It would be fine.

____________________

There was an error somewhere.

Ignis squinted at the page before him, wishing that the numbers would stop swimming around and would somehow magically correct themselves. It was apparent that either someone was skimming a little something from the treasury, or an accountant had misplaced a decimal point, because Leide's budget was not balancing the way Ignis knew it should. He checked the neatly typed print before him once more and sighed in resignation. A glance at his clock told him that it was already one in the morning. Tracking down the error would take hours - or days, more likely - and would set Ignis' progress back considerably. 

_I can correct this, and it will be alright._

_I can do this._

_It will be fine._

_It's fine..._

In the quiet loneliness of his own flat, Ignis slumped forward and lay his head against the hard surface of his desk, and for a moment, allowed himself to feel completely overwhelmed. He realized at some point that he'd been tossed straight into the deep end, and no matter how hard he churned his limbs, Ignis couldn't do more than keep his head just above the surface. It was simply too much paperwork and too much information for one person to process in the limited amount of time he had, and it certainly didn't help that Morari always seemed to be unavailable whenever Ignis ran into an issue or had a question. He was on his own, for better or worse.

_What if I can't do this?_ The poisonous thought seeped into the cracks that had been opened up by stress and made him nauseous with doubt. His heart thundered wildly in his chest in the face of his own inadequacy. The two cans of Ebony he'd just emptied certainly didn't help to calm the frantic rhythm. Was it supposed to be this hard? Had his uncle struggled to keep pace with his own work when he had been Ignis' age?

Well, now. What did it matter? It didn't. He was Ignis Scientia, retainer to Prince Noctis, not his uncle or anyone else. It was his privilege and joy to serve His Highness and to represent his interests. The idea that Noctis' reputation might be dragged through the mud by the failures of his chamberlain was simply intolerable. If he didn't sleep again until the budget review then so be it, but he would do this job properly and he would not disgrace Noct before the Council with incompetence. 

Ignis straightened himself up and pushed his glasses back up his nose. He squared his sagging shoulders and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Moping about wasn't going to do him any good. It was just work, and if there was one arena in which Ignis unequivocally excelled, it was conquering every task that was thrown into his path. He'd never let work beat him before, and he certainly wasn't going to let it start now. He could rest when he was done, whenever that might be.

____________________

"Hey, you wanna grab breakfast tomorrow?"

The question was nearly unintelligible around a mouthful of curried noodles. "Mind your manners, Your Highness," Ignis scolded absently.

In retaliation, Noctis opened his mouth wide as soon as he was sure he had Ignis' attention. The chamberlain merely raised an unfazed eyebrow at the sight of the chewed mess and calmly took another sip of coffee. It was rapidly growing cold, but he'd decided that getting up to refresh his mug would take more energy than it was worth. "Charming," Ignis said dryly.

"That's Prince Charming to you," Noctis replied, finally swallowing his food. "These noodles are great. How come I've never heard of this place?"

"Most likely because they serve actual food as opposed to the plates of grease that you and Prompto normally seek out."

"Come on, Cement Spoon is not that bad."

"If you don't mind dying of heart disease before the age of thirty, then no, I suppose not."

"Totally worth it. Their fried cockatrice is fucking awesome."

Ignis shook his head in mock disappointment and drained the rest of his coffee. 

"Watch your language, Noctis," Noct growled, deepening his voice and attempting a sad mimicry of the Tenebraean accent. The prince had been trying to imitate it for years and it was still awful. "It's unbefitting of royalty."

"I sincerely hope that's not what you think I sound like," Ignis protested, hiding a smile.

Noctis shrugged. He pushed around his 'do not eat' pile of snow peas and peppers around his empty plate. "I hate to tell you this Specs, but that's exactly what you sound like. Anyway, they have healthy stuff. Prompto wouldn't go there if they didn't."

"Yes, I'm sure he enjoys eating the same salad over and over."

"Eh. I haven't heard any complaints."

"Not yet, anyway."

Noctis shrugged again. He waved lazily at the cartons of food that Ignis had picked up for dinner. "Aren't you going to have any?"

Normally the chamberlain made every effort to cook for the prince so that they could at least pretend that Noctis was eating a balanced diet, but tonight, the very thought of picking up a knife had nearly made him weep. Rather than risk burning down Noct's flat, Ignis had reluctantly admitted defeat and bought food from one his own favorite cafés. Unfortunately, Ignis' appetite seemed to have deserted him, as the smell of the normally tempting, heavily spiced food made him feel rather ill. 

"I'm not particularly hungry," Ignis deflected. "I'll eat later."

"Considering you still haven't answered me about breakfast, I'm guessing you're not going to be hungry tomorrow morning, either." A sullen edge crept into Noctis' voice. 

Ignis suppressed a wince. "I'm sorry, Noct, but I have a meeting - "

"It's the godsdamn weekend, Ignis. Who schedules meetings on a weekend?"

Ignis was in fact meeting with Noctis' own father the next morning, as it was the only free time that aligned on their calendars. After that, the advisor would be running to an appointment with one of his professors to discuss an assignment. 

"I'd rearrange it if I could," Ignis said apologetically. 

"Fine," Noctis huffed. "How about lunch?" 

"Ah...I'm afraid that might be difficult as well." When he'd passed his exams, Cor had bluntly informed Ignis that his status as Noctis' chamberlain didn't excuse him from his obligations to the Crownsguard. The only concession the marshal had made was in allowing Ignis to arrange his own shifts for the regular responsibilities he was required to carry out. Currently, weekends were the only times he had available, and so Ignis had been forced to spend his last bit of freedom to cover the patrolling duty that was long overdue. 

Noctis made a disgruntled noise. "Forget about it." He pushed back from the table, leaving his dirty dishes behind. The prince silently threw himself onto the sofa and disappeared from sight.

Ignis pressed his lips together as he stood, fighting down a wave of helpless frustration. He absolutely hated disappointing Noct, and yet it seemed that disappointment was all Ignis had to offer, these days. He followed Noctis to the couch and found the boy curled up on his side, hugging one of the cushions to his chest, staring blankly at his phone. Ignis clenched his fists to try and still his trembling hands before reaching out to touch the prince's shoulder. He stopped just short of making contact, suddenly feeling shy. _Don't be foolish,_ he silently admonished himself. Ignis lightly brushed his fingers against Noctis' arm in apology and was grateful when the prince didn't flinch away.

"I'll stop by tomorrow evening," Ignis offered instead.

"Don't bother," Noctis muttered. "I'm hanging out with Prompto."

"Ah." Ignis took off his glasses and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. They burned as if someone had splashed acid into them, and he took a couple of deep breaths to steady himself. "Very good. Don't forget you have a history quiz on Monday. Do try and get a head start so you won't have to cram at the last minute."

"Uh huh, sure," Noct replied, engrossed in...whatever it was he was doing. Ignis had a feeling he knew exactly how he'd be spending his Sunday evening.

Ignis cleared the table and rinsed the dirty dishes, placing them into the dishwasher. He could always hope that the prince would turn it on, but if not, Ignis would be by in a couple of days to take care of it.

"Do you need anything else, Noctis?" Ignis asked when he was done wiping down the table and putting away leftovers. 

"Nope." More often than not, the prince would ask Ignis to stay for a while, but it seemed that no invitation would be forthcoming. Not that Ignis would have been able to accept. He slowly put his shoes on and swept his hollow gaze around the pristine flat before quietly taking his leave, feeling like a thief slinking into the night.

____________________

"What the fuck, Iggy? You alright?"

Ignis would have loved to have told a baffled Gladio that yes _of course_, he was perfectly fine thank you, but at the moment he was too busy trying to convince his lungs to function properly. The blow that had knocked Ignis out of the air had been entirely predictable and he'd seen it coming from a mile away, but he'd still been too slow to avoid it. The humiliation that flooded through him was far worse than the deep ache that had gripped his entire side. Or the lack of oxygen.

Gladio dropped to the mats beside Ignis, combing his fingers through his sweaty hair. "I don't think I've seen you take a hit like that since you started Crownsguard training."

Ignis' patience was finally rewarded when his chest unfroze and he was allowed to drag in some air. "A lucky strike," he gasped. Gods, the mat was unfairly comfortable. Ignis turned onto his back, relaxing on the firm surface against his will. It would be so easy to close his eyes for a bit and rest...

"That wasn't luck, Iggy." Gladio said skeptically. Ignis hummed, in disagreement or agreement he wasn't sure and didn't much care. He thought the prince's Shield would go on to brag about his own prowess, but instead Gladio said, "When was the last time you slept? And I'm not talking about a few hours here and there. I mean a full night's sleep, in an actual bed."

Ignis' eyes snapped open. "I'm fine," he said automatically. Never mind that he didn't know the answer to Gladio's question and was too tired to comb through his memory to try and come up with an honest one.

"Nope, try again. You look like total shit, Ignis."

It was unfortunately true. He wasn't blind; he couldn't avoid the bruise-dark shadows smeared under his own bloodshot eyes and the drawn, pale face that stared back at him in the mirror every morning. No one had commented on it, other than his classmate a couple weeks ago - and what did he know, anyway - and so Ignis had started to think that perhaps it wasn't that bad, that he didn't look as terribly drained as he felt.

Still, truth for not, there was something to be said for tact and subtlety. "Please, don't hold back on my account," Ignis murmured dryly. He tried to haul himself into a sitting position and was betrayed by his shaking arms. It was annoying, how worn he was from a few bouts of sparring.

Gladiolus grunted his displeasure and pushed Ignis upright. "I wasn't gonna," he muttered. "Seriously, Iggy. You need to pull yourself together, because people are gonna start to notice that you ain't doing too hot."

Well, Ignis was certainly awake now. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked sharply.

A severe frown marred Gladio's face. "Don't play dumb with me. Your performance during training is starting to tank. If I've noticed, then you can bet your ass that Monica has noticed, too. I also know you haven't been as involved with Crownsguard duties as you're supposed to be. Cor will let it slide for a while because he's got an idea of how busy you are, but he won't let that shit go forever."

Ignis felt his skin heat up in a rush of blood. Surely Gladio was exaggerating...but Ignis knew he wasn't. He wrapped his arms around his bent knees and clenched his fists. _This is unacceptable_, he berated himself fiercely. _You must do better._ It might have been easier to convince himself that it was possible if the seed of anxiety that had planted itself in his chest wasn't digging its roots straight into his self-assurance.

His desperation must have been obvious in his hunched form, as the prince's Shield relented and his expression softened. "Look, Iggy. I'm not telling you this so you feel bad." Gladio nudged at Ignis' shoulder with his own, nearly knocking the slighter man over. "Gods know how ridiculous your schedule is, and you don't make it any easier on yourself by saying 'yes' to every single stupid fucking thing people ask of you. Why don't you ease up for a bit?"

"I can't," Ignis mumbled fretfully.

"Why not? It won't kill the princess to tie his own shoelaces for a while."

"I _can't._" Noctis was still a prince, with far less responsibility than a ruling king. If Ignis failed to handle the duties of a prince's chamberlain, how on Eos was anyone going to trust him as future retainer to the _king_? He couldn't let Noct down. Not now, not in this. Not when it was apparently the only good thing he had left to offer to his increasingly reticent charge, the only way he knew to show how much he cared.

Gladio sighed and changed tactics. "How many Ebonys have you had today?"

Ignis pressed his lips together. He'd had five, but Gladio didn't need to know that. 

"Let me guess," the prince's Shield continued. "Four, five, maybe even six? It's not even nine in the morning yet."

"Well, I've been up since five," Ignis said snippily. "It's not an excessive amount over the course of four hours."

"Iggy, that stuff has the caffeine content of like three damn coffees. Look, I know you're a total glutton for punishment, but for fuck's sake, slow down, or ask for help. You don't have to do everything yourself."

"I beg to differ," Ignis replied stiffly. "They are _my_ duties, and I take pleasure in fulfilling them." As if Ignis would ever let anyone else tend to His Highness. Ignis was greedy that way, never mind that he'd done little more than the bare minimum for Noct these days. It was yet another thing Ignis needed to improve.

Gladio snorted disbelievingly. "Yeah, sure. You look like you're just having a grand old time, following Noct around and wiping his ass even when you're dead on your feet. He's a big boy, Iggy. At the very least, he can pick up after himself like a responsible human being."

Ignis was absolutely not in the mood to rehash the same stale argument they'd had _ad nauseum_ through the years and didn't bother defending his position. It wasn't as if his counterpart hadn't already heard it all before. But still, it was genuine concern that was pulling on Gladio's brow, so Ignis let his irritation slide. "I appreciate the consideration, but your alarm is unwarranted," he assured the other man, trying to project as much confidence as he could. Ignis unlocked his arms and carefully climbed to his feet, grateful that his legs remained steady and didn't fold under his weight. He held his head high and drew his shoulders back into his usual proud posture. "I'll be certain to focus more during training and speak to the marshal about increasing my involvement with Crownsguard. It was not my intention to be so lax, so thank you, Gladiolus, for bringing that to my attention."

Gladio threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "The point of this was to get you to do less work, not more," he grumbled. "Six, Iggy, you're a stubborn fucking bastard, you know that?"

Ignis sniffed haughtily. "It may have been mentioned once or twice."

The other man rolled his eyes. "You're gonna pass out in the middle of the Citadel one day, probably right at the king's feet, knowing you. And guess what? I'm gonna be right there to rub it in and tell you 'I told you so'."

"I'll do no such thing," Ignis huffed as he gathered up his practice weapons. The room spun each time he bent down, so he moved slowly, praying that his friend wouldn't notice.

"Uh huh," Gladio said skeptically, crossing his massive arms as he watched Ignis clear his gear. "You keep telling yourself that."

____________________

Ignis stifled a groan as he reached out an arm and fumbled around along his nightstand, searching for his infernal wailing alarm clock. It was new - he'd bought the most obnoxious one he could find after his phone had recently failed to wake him for an early Council meeting. The cold, aggravated stares directed at him as he'd walked in had been bad; the pitying ones had been worse. The reviews online had promised that the sound of the clock would rival a screaming child on a train car, and Ignis found them to be disturbingly accurate. He slapped at the offending timepiece, reluctantly forced his aching body upright and then promptly flopped back onto his bedcovers.

He'd managed to finish his work early enough to luxuriate in five indulgent hours of sweet, precious sleep. As blissful as it had been to collapse into bed the night before, and despite needing sleep desperately, Ignis was finding that it had been a terrible idea - now that his exhausted mind had gotten a tiny taste of prolonged rest, it just wanted more, more, more. The extra sleep hadn't helped as much as he'd hoped, either; his bones had apparently been replaced with lead, and his limbs felt simultaneously too heavy and too weak to support him properly. The scratchiness that had settled into the back of his throat a few days ago had mutated and expanded its territory overnight such that he now had both a sore throat and a stuffed nose. _Go away and bother someone else,_ he thought irritably. 

A bleary glance at his clock told him that it was half-past four. Ignis had originally planned to stop by Noctis' flat before heading to the Citadel with the intention of cooking the prince breakfast. It had been far too long since they'd shared a morning meal, and despite not being able to stay and eat, the chamberlain hoped that finding his favorite Mother and Child rice bowl waiting for him would help lift Noct's worryingly dark and distant moods. At the moment, the task seemed daunting. Ignis hoped it would seem less so after a shower.

The spray of hot water unfortunately didn't revive him as much as expected. Ignis drooped heavily against his bathroom vanity as he brushed his teeth with his eyes half-closed and for the briefest moment, considered crawling back into bed and shutting the world out until he felt like a normal, functioning human once more. His thoughts rolled about sluggish and half-formed, struggling to free themselves from the sticky black mire of fatigue that still coated his brain. What he really needed was a can of Ebony or three to kick himself into a semi-coherent state, but the wretched bout of vomiting he'd experienced the night before made him hesitate. Ignis grimaced as he pressed a hand against his stomach, which roiled warningly at the memory of the coffee-flavored acid that had burned up his throat. _No, perhaps not right now._

Ignis combed his hair into place and dressed simply in all black, frowning as he tugged his belt a notch tighter than usual. He examined himself in the mirror with faint satisfaction - he at least looked like a capable person, even if he didn't feel much like one. "There now," he murmured out loud, his voice hoarse. "That's not so bad, is it?"

As he fumbled through his papers in preparation to leave, Ignis growled in frustration - first at his past self for not packing up before going to bed, and then at his current self for being so lethargic and dull. He couldn't attend his meetings in his current state - he'd be eaten alive - and more importantly, he certainly wouldn't be able to keep track of Noct's needs if he could barely remember his own. Ignis again longed for some Ebony, rebellious stomach be damned, despite the fact that caffeine was rapidly starting to become ineffective, even in the enormous quantities that Ignis consumed. He'd seriously considered starting an intravenous line, but in the end decided that it would raise too many eyebrows.

Wake up, will you? It was taking too long to remember what he needed and what he didn't, so he finally he snapped open his briefcase in order to just stuff everything inside. As he did so, a clear plastic baggie jammed into one of the small inner compartments caught his eye. It was the one that his classmate Feris had given him weeks ago. He pulled it out and stared at the white tablets that were bunched up at the bottom.

_Don't even think about it. It's a terrible idea._

Ignis paused. _Is it, though?_

He knew that the pills were stimulants of some sort, but of which kind, he hadn't a clue. Feris had said they were legal, and Ignis supposed they ostensibly were, but he doubted they were meant to be used the way Feris and apparently 'everyone' was using them. The idea of consuming a pharmaceutical when he didn't know exactly what it was would normally have been utterly unthinkable, but at the moment Ignis was having a difficult time holding such a hard line.

_You could react to them badly. They might not do anything after all. They may be addictive_. At the last one, Ignis snorted. He was already firmly addicted to caffeine, after all. Would this be so different? 

_Stop dithering and get on with it_. Despite waking up earlier than normal, he was well on his way to being late. Yanking the bag open, Ignis took out a pill with shaking fingers and held it up. It looked innocent enough. 

'Like ten cups of coffee in one go,' his classmate had promised. That didn't sound so bad, and would hopefully be easier on his sour stomach. _Just this once, and that's it._

With a shake of his head, Ignis popped the tablet into his mouth and swallowed it down dry, wincing as it scraped past his inflamed throat. _A rather poor breakfast,_ he thought wryly. Well. It would have to do. It had to be better than facing his packed day on his own.


	3. Chapter 3

"How was your dinner, Noctis?" 

Friday evening meals with the king were supposed to have been a regular occurrence since Noct had moved out of the Citadel, but they had been slowly moving towards extinction over the past few months. Ignis wasn't sure what put the prince into a worse mood - having his father cancel, or having his father not cancel and actually having to witness Regis' gradual decline.

The chamberlain waited a few minutes to see whether he'd get a reply, but it seemed that either Noct hadn't heard his question or wasn't inclined to speak. When they came to a stoplight, Ignis glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Noctis in the back seat, staring blankly out the window at Insomnia's glowing streets. The young prince was resting his chin in his hand, elbow propped on the car door. Noctis had somehow managed to completely avoid all the teenage indignities that had tortured Ignis through the early years of puberty, and Ignis admired the delicate features and clear, pale skin in the harsh neon glare of a bright billboard advertisement. He lovingly traced those familiar features in his mind, imagining his fingers passing lightly over Noct's eyelids, down the slope of his nose, across the curve of his - 

A loud honk jerked Ignis out of his thoughts and he inhaled sharply, taking the opportunity to slam a door shut on his entirely inappropriate musings. Ignis felt a rush of heat in his cheeks and was glad Noctis couldn't see him - he was obviously overtired, allowing his thoughts to run away without any regard to propriety. Yes, Noctis was _his_, and had been almost his entire life, but not in that way. Never in that way. It wasn't Ignis' place and besides, he was satisfied with this, with his life so closely intertwined with Noct's.

Ignis cleared his throat and winced at the rough rasp of it. The painkiller he'd taken had long worn off, as had the decongestant. His head felt heavy and unbalanced, like someone had replaced his head with a giant, ill-formed bowling ball. Gripping the wheel tightly, Ignis forced himself to focus on the road.

At the next light, Ignis tried again. "Your Highness? Are you alright?" His voice sounded nasally to his own clogged ears, but other than the raised eyebrow Gladio had given him earlier in the day, it thankfully didn't seem that anyone else had noticed.

"What do you care?" Noct's voice was a low rumble, his words stifled by the palm across his lips. Ignis didn't know if he was meant to hear them, but was so stunned that he couldn't formulate a response. _Did he just... How could he... Does he honestly doubt..._ Ignis' heart squeezed agonizingly at the thought that Noctis would ever question the depth of his devotion. _Where have I gone wrong?_

"I'm fine," Noctis said louder, grudgingly, as Ignis sat and stewed in his confused shame. The advisor glanced in the rearview mirror once more and this time, caught Noctis' gaze. The prince looked away quickly, resuming the silent contemplation of his future kingdom. He cut a wrenchingly lonely figure, and for the first time in his remembered life, Ignis didn't know what to say to his prince.

When they reached Noctis' building, they got out of the car wordlessly. Once in his flat, Noct went straight into his bedroom and slammed the door shut. Ignis followed and gently knocked.

"Are you sure you're alright, Noct? Do you need anything?"

"Just go home, Ignis. I'm sure you have work to do."

He did in fact have work to do, but the bitter tinge to Noct's muffled voice made Ignis sigh quietly. He would not be leaving the prince alone, not tonight. Not when Noct was obviously troubled, and there was so much that Ignis needed to put right. "I'll be here if you do need something, Your Highness," he said. 

Trudging into the kitchen, Ignis opened up his briefcase, took out a pill and swallowed it down. Each one he ingested was a small reprimand, a reminder that he wasn't good enough on his own, but he couldn't stop. Not yet. The annual budget review was very rapidly approaching, and it seemed that Ignis' load of paperwork was somehow getting heavier rather than lighter. When he managed to sleep, the chamberlain dreamed about flying through stacks of documents, being chased by huge, angry numbers that beat at him with pens and pencils and asked why he couldn't pay them more attention. He had no idea whether Morari even looked at the summaries he dutifully sent to the Councilman's office every week - something he was quite used to thanks to Noct - but Ignis hadn't heard from the man in nearly a month. 

So yes, there was plenty he could occupy himself with, but first - a little something for Noct. Some kind soul had sent a box of delicious, fruit-filled mini-pies to his office a few days ago, and the scent of the tiny desserts had been inspirational.

Ignis tied on an apron and began gathering what he'd need to re-attempt the Tenebraen pastries that the prince remembered so fondly. He'd need a butter crust - it would have to be flakier this time - and ingredients for the all-important filling. Ignis didn't think it needed a drastic change; perhaps just a different ratio of sugar, berries and citrus.

_Butter...half cup._

_Flour...one cup. Or was it one and a half? One...that sounded right._

_A pinch of salt._

As he wrapped the dough and put it into the fridge to chill, a now-familiar rush of clarity came over him and Ignis knew the drugs had kicked in. It brushed aside his fatigue and bullied his illness into a corner where it couldn't bother him. It wasn't nearly as exhilarating or powerful as it had been the first time, but still well worth it. 

_The berries need to macerate in the citrus juice and sugar._

_Wait a minute. How much sugar? Have I already added quarter cup or a half?_

Ignis frowned at the bowl before him, trying to convince the fruity puddle inside to reveal how much sugar he'd already added. He was irritated that he'd lost track of such a simple thing. A quick taste suggested that he needed more sweetness, and soon enough, the dough was ready to be rolled and the pastries went into the oven.

As he waited, Ignis began to read over his notes from day's meetings, trying to figure out what would be relevant for the summary he'd put together for Noct. His leg bounced restlessly under the table, while his fingers frantically drummed against the wooden surface.

_Tap tap tap_

_Tap tap tap_

_Tap tap tap_

Ignis clenched his fist, forcing himself to stop making the grating noise. He knew the relief would only be temporary - there were times when he thought his body might be preparing to launch a full-scale revolt, and the nervous tics he'd collected in the past few days were simply a warning shot. They were immensely annoying, but he couldn't give in, not yet. Just a couple more weeks, and then everything would be fine.

When the timer finally rang on the tartlets, the false energy was already beginning to wear off. Ignis slowly raised himself, groaning quietly at the persistent ache that had settled into his hips and lower back. He pulled out the baked goods and set them on a rack to cool, satisfied with how his latest effort had turned out, despite the blips in his attention. Noct would devour them, lick his fingers clean, and then inevitably tell him they weren't _exactly_ the same as the ones he'd had in Tenebrae. Ignis would give a determined nod, apologize for falling short, and then try again. It was a comfortable ritual, one that Ignis hoped he could rely on to get back into the prince's good graces.

He perhaps should have gone home then, but that wasn't going to happen and besides, Ignis was exhausted enough that it seemed like a risky idea. So in deference to his stiff body, he settled himself into a soft, overstuffed armchair - Ignis had insisted on only the best and most comfortable for the Lucian prince - and resigned himself to another long night of work.

\--

Worried that he was late for a meeting, Ignis jerked awake with a gasp and surprised himself with a coughing fit that seized his lungs and held them prisoner for a good, long minute. He mashed his fist against his mouth, trying to stifle the loud hacks that he was helpless to stop. Ignis eventually let his muscles go lax and stopped fighting - it would be over when it was over. When it finally ended, Ignis tilted his head back, closed his eyes and sat gasping for air, relieved that he could breathe again.

Disoriented by his rude awakening, it took several long, befuddled moments - too long - for the prince's retainer to figure out where he was. Ignis eventually realized he was still at Noct's place because he could smell Noct, enveloped in a light cloud of the clean, fresh cologne that the prince favored. It was then he noticed that there was a blanket draped over him. He couldn't see it in the dark, but by the feel and weight of it, Ignis recognized it as the one that Noct liked to burrow under when he was watching movies on the couch. There was also a pillow that had been wedged under his head which had fallen during his coughing spasm. He didn't remember grabbing the blanket or the pillow before falling asleep, which wasn't surprising since he didn't remember falling asleep at all.

Still bemused - Ignis vaguely wondered if Noctis stocked smelling salts - he clicked on the lamp sitting on the end table and nearly knocked over a mug that had been set under the light. Next to it was a plate with two of the tarts Ignis had made earlier in the evening. His spectacles, which the chamberlain also just realized were no longer on his face, were folded neatly on the table. A sudden burning prickle that had nothing to do with his perpetual lack of sleep attacked the back of his eyes. Blinking rapidly to clear the wetness from them, Ignis inhaled deeply and pulled the soft blanket back over his shoulders, reveling in its warmth.

_Noct._

Ignis' love for his prince was deep and abiding. He didn't need reminders as to why Noctis was deserving of his unwavering dedication and sacrifice. The prince was, simply because he was Noct. That was enough for Ignis.

Before he could lost in embarrassing sentimentality, Ignis grabbed the mug and took a sip. It was herbal tea, long gone cold, but the liquid felt good against his raw throat. A small nibble of the pastry told him that he'd gotten the consistency of the crust perfect, but his stomach churned uneasily at the thought of eating the entire thing so he set it back down on his plate. Reaching for his phone, Ignis set the alarm - for once he had nothing urgent in the morning, so there was no need to wake before dawn and worry about disturbing the prince's lay in.

With a content sigh, Ignis settled back down into the armchair. Perhaps the couch would have been a better choice for a night's rest, but after all the trouble the prince had gone to in order to ensure his retainer was comfortable, it seemed a shame to move. As he sank back into sleep, Ignis resolved to do better, to be better. _For Noct._

____________________

"Gladio?"

"Yeah, Iggy. What's up?"

"I... I have a favor to ask, if you're willing and able. I completely understand if you're not." Ignis' fingers tightened around his phone in an effort to avoid dropping it. His hands had taken to shaking uncontrollably; the betrayal of his own body was absolutely galling.

"Don't be stupid, Ignis, of course I'm willing. What is it?"

Ignis took a deep breath. It was one thing to look at himself and privately conclude that his life was descending into a complete and utter shambles, and quite another to admit it out loud to someone else. _It's Gladio,_ Ignis tried to reassure himself. _He won't think any less of you._ Ignis hoped that was actually true. He didn't have many friends; it would be less than ideal to lose one because of his own ineptitude. 

"Iggy? You still there?"

"Yes. My apologies." He was supposed to be asking Gladio a favor, and here he was woolgathering behind the wheel and wasting the Shield's time. Ignis cleared his throat, grimacing at the thickness of the sound and praying he wouldn't break into another coughing fit. His cold was hanging on with an obnoxious amount of tenacity and Ignis was just about done with it. "I'm afraid that I've double-booked my afternoon. I agreed to a shift with the Crownsguard, but I already had a meeting with Noctis' teachers on my schedule. I was hoping that I could ask you to take my place for guard duty at the Citadel. I'd hate for them to be short." He also had to finish a paper for a university class that was long overdue and only clinging to life by the grace of his professor's generosity. If Gladio could cover for him, then he might find the time to finally complete it after his conference. A tiny flame of hope burst into life.

"You mean this afternoon?"

"Yes. I know it's very last minute and I do apologize for the inconvenience, but I... I thought I'd ask."

Gladio sighed heavily on the other end of the line. "Fuck, Iggy. I can't today. I'm on my way out of Insomnia for an overnight training exercise with Cor."

The flicker of hope sputtered and died with barely a whimper. "Ah. I see. Well. Thank you for your time, Gladio."

"You know I would if I could," Gladio said. He sounded terribly pained and Ignis didn't understand why. "This exercise is like the one thing I can't get out of."

"Please don't worry about it, it's fine," Ignis said faintly. And really, it was. It had been foolish of him to ask. "I'll manage, Gladio. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"Cut the shit, Igs, you ain't bothering me. Ask me any other time, and I'll drop everything, okay? I promise."

"Of course. Good luck."

"Thanks, Iggy. You too. Sounds like you might need it way more than me."

After he hung up, Ignis shivered and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel of his parked car. _Bloody hell._ He breathed slowly, carefully, around the blockage in his lungs. Well. Considering how his day had been going thus far, it wasn't a shock that Gladio was unavailable. He'd slept through his alarm once more - how his subconscious had ignored the awful wailing of his alarm clock was beyond him - and had been late to a meeting with King Regis, of all people. Once he'd arrived, breathless and in complete disarray, the king had taken one shocked look at him, asked to reschedule and sent him away. Ignis had slunk back to his Citadel office, dragging the disgrace with him like the stink around a malboro. 

He'd already postponed the meeting at Noctis' school once and knew it would be rude to do so again. Ignis didn't want the teachers get the impression that the Crown considered the prince's education to be unimportant. He was locked in to this mess, and would simply have to bear Monica's censure and his own chagrin over being unforgivably late for guard duty. Mortification was a feeling with which Ignis was becoming very well-acquainted, and he'd begun to wonder when the axe would fall on his head. The king had gotten to witness his poor performance first hand, and he was certain that others around the Citadel would have been bending Regis' ear about the uselessness of the prince's retainer. Despite having more than a decade of service under his belt, there were still plenty of those who questioned Ignis' place, whether it was because of his age or because of his background.

Taking out a small pillbox, Ignis picked out two tablets and washed them down with a gulp of bottled water. The young chamberlain had initially attempted to ration his supply, but that effort hadn't lasted long. Now his original stock was rapidly dwindling and he absolutely did not want to have to ask for more. 

_You've become too reliant on them._

_And so? How is it any different from being reliant on Ebony?_

Ignis supposed it wasn't, but then again Ebony had never kept him awake at night, paralyzed by anxiety and blood pounding deafeningly in his ears as a sense of claustrophobic doom descended upon him. Those episodes didn't last long, but were worrisome nonetheless. Ignis tried to shake away his lethargy without much success and started his car so he could make his way to Noct's school.

_Just for a little while longer. And then you'll be done with everything. Perhaps permanently._

____________________

"Happy birthday, Prompto."

"Hey, thanks Iggy!" The blonde boy flashed a wide, shy smile at him. Prompto slumped back against his seat and rubbed his belly contentedly. "And thanks for the cake! I knew you could bake but I didn't know you were _that_ awesome at it. Heh, I guess I should have figured, right?"

"Yeah," Gladio said, raising an eyebrow at him from across Noct's kitchen table. "It was pretty good. I don't know when you found the time to bake such an awesome cake."

Ignis ignored Gladio's pointed comment in favor of Prompto's complimentary one. "You're welcome, Prompto. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Ignis hadn't actually found the time, he'd squeezed it out of his days like he was squeezing water from stone, but no one needed to know that. Noctis had asked his advisor to bake a cake for their friend - "Anything you make'll be so much better than a bakery, and you know Prompto will get a kick out of it!" - and so Ignis gladly did as asked. The sheer bliss on the blonde boy's face when he bit into the light, fluffy cake decorated with whipped cream and berries had been a wonderful reward. 

"Hells yeah I did! Man, that cake was seriously like the best thing I've ever put in my mouth."

Noct smirked. "I guess that answers the question as to whether you're still a virgin."

"Hey!" Prompto cried out, freckled face bright red, at the same time Ignis said, "Your Highness, please." Gladio sat back and laughed.

The prince rolled his eyes, a smile still playing at the corner of his lips. "Chill, you guys. I'm kidding."

"Maybe we should have gotten something else for Blondie instead of going to this show," Gladio suggested.

Another mock outraged protest from Prompto had the prince and his Shield grinning at each other. Ignis hid his smile and shook his head. Someone had to be the adult in the room.

"Speaking of, we should head out soon if we want a good spot on the floor," Noctis said. "It's gonna be crowded."

"Let's do it!" Prompto leapt out of his chair. Ignis was almost jealous - he wondered what it must be like to be filled with such unbridled energy. "Thanks for getting the tickets, Noct. I don't think I'd have been able to on my own. They sold out super fast."

Noctis rubbed at the back of his head self-consciously. "Eh, it's no biggie. Thought you'd like them."

"You thought right," Prompto agreed, and the two boys did some sort of complicated high five ritual thing that Ignis was barely able to follow.

Prompto didn't know yet about the backstage tour Noctis had arranged as it was to be a surprise. Ignis almost wished they had - he was disappointed that he wouldn't get to see Prompto's reaction to it, although he guessed that there would be a lot of delighted yelling and joyful fist pumping. 

Ignis stood with the intention of clearing their plates and had to grip the edge of the table when the world tilted too far on its axis. Luckily, the ground leveled back out quickly enough, but the wash of dizziness left Ignis sick to his stomach. The few bites of dinner and cake he'd choked down threatened to make a reappearance. He'd already been feeling a bit off before arriving at Noct's flat, and that sensation of _wrong_ kept getting stronger as the minutes passed. He had spent most of the evening resisting the urge to reach up and touch his own head, to make sure that it hadn't floated off without his permission.

"Iggy?" Gladio's deep voice rumbled in his ear. "You alright?"

Ignis straightened and hoped that he didn't look at startled as he felt. Since when had Gladio learned to warp? "Yes, I'm fine," Ignis replied after a beat. "I stood too quickly."

"Uh huh," Gladio said skeptically, and Ignis prayed that the prince's Shield wouldn't make a scene of it. He was suddenly aware of Noctis' and Prompto's stares and he pushed away from the table. The chamberlain tried to soothe away an angry cough that was bubbling in his chest - releasing it would only make the scrutiny worse. 

"I hope you have a wonderful time," Ignis said, smiling at the two younger boys.

"Wait a minute," Noctis said, a line settling between his brows like an impending storm. "You're not coming?"

"No, I'm afraid I can't," Ignis replied mournfully.

"But I got a ticket for you!" 

Ignis' heart began to pound, and he didn't know if it was because of the two extra pills he'd surreptitiously popped before presenting the cake or because of the knowledge that he'd upset the prince. _Again._ "I'm so sorry, Your Highness. Perhaps you could - "

"No! Don't 'Your Highness' me right now, Ignis. And don't tell me to give the ticket away. I got it for you, not for some fucking random on the street."

The chamberlain bit back a sigh. "I want to Noctis, please believe me, but I have some work that I need to finish." Even the evening celebration was time off that Ignis could ill afford, but he couldn't miss Prompto's birthday entirely. Ignis was truly racing against the clock now to get everything finished before the yearly review took place in less than a week, and he'd already been sprinting as hard as he could for a while now.

"Yeah, how did I guess," Noctis muttered darkly. "Of course you'd rather spend time with your precious papers than spend them with us. Even when it's for Prompto's birthday."

"Don't be an asshole, Noct. Cut Iggy some slack, will you?" Gladio inserted himself into the brewing argument with a growl. Ignis would have told the Shield off if he wasn't fighting off another swirl of sickening lightheadedness.

"Who the fuck asked you, Gladio? Stay out of it," Noct snapped back.

"Come on, Noct," Prompto tried, hands up in a conciliatory gesture. "It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is," the prince snarled.

"Nah, it's really not," Prompto insisted gently. "Iggy made me that great cake and had dinner with us. That's more than enough. Besides, this probably isn't even the kind of music he likes. Right, Igs?"

Gladio and Prompto's voices swept over Ignis in an incomprehensible wave of sound. His world had narrowed down to Noct and the look of absolute disappointment and dejection that was clearly layered under the anger. "Noctis, I'm sorry," he tried again. He reached out to his prince, but the distance between them seemed too great to bridge.

"You're always _sorry_," Noctis spat out. "Just like my dad is always _sorry_. But neither of you is ever _sorry_ enough to actually to decide that I'm worth your time, are you?"

The deep hurt in Noctis' words tore at Ignis, ripping into him like serrated knives. His heart was racing now, tripping over itself in a stuttering rhythm. He had done this. This was his fault. "Noct, Noct," he breathed. "That's not true."

The prince made a rude noise and he bared his teeth in a ferocious scowl, but there was a telltale wet gleam in his bright blue eyes. "Am I really such a fucking chore to be around? That you'd always pick endless paperwork over me?"

"No, _Gods_ no," Ignis murmured fervently. How could he tell his prince that this was all for him? Everything that Ignis did was for Noct, and it would always be that way. How was it that such a horrible misconception had grown in the prince's mind? How on Eos did he _fix_ it? "Noct, please."

Ignis saw Noct's mouth move in reply, but the words were replaced by a loud buzzing noise that filled his ears like a swarm of enraged wasps. Sharp pain lanced down his arm and Ignis pressed a hand against his chest. His mouth opened as he gasped desperately, inhaling loudly but not feeling any air enter his lungs. Black haze crept into the edge of his vision and suddenly, he was falling.

"Shit! Specs? What the hell? What's wrong?" Noctis' voice sounded like it was coming from far, far away. Ignis was vaguely aware of hands on him, gently lowering his body to the floor. His heart beat, then stalled, then beat, then stalled.

"Gladio! What's wrong with him?" Noctis hovered over him, his face pale and terrified. Ignis wanted to reach up and touch his prince, wanted to reassure him that he was fine. He tried, but didn't have the strength. He barely had the strength to hold up his own eyelids.

"How the fuck should I know?" A warm, heavy weight settled on his chest as Gladio's face joined Noct's at the end of a long, dark tunnel. "Fucking Six, he's burning up." Was he? That was odd, because Ignis had felt cold for quite some time now. "Prompto, call an ambulance."

Gladio's hand turned into an immovable mass compressing his ribs as Ignis struggled to breathe. His heart fluttered uselessly, weakly flapping about like an injured bird. The pain was spreading, and Ignis froze in agony as he dimly wondered whether he was dying. Magic rushed through him, providing a soothing tingle and not much else.

"Hold on," Noctis pleaded quietly, desperately. "Don't leave me, Specs. Please. _Please._"

Ignis wanted to fight - he couldn't leave when there was so much that needed to be put right - but he was so completely and utterly spent. He wanted to obey his prince, but he lacked the energy to do anything but silently slip away when the darkness finally overtook him.


	4. Chapter 4

A steady beeping at the edges of his consciousness nudged Ignis towards wakefulness. He thought that perhaps he was late to something because it felt wrong to be sleeping, but attempts to speed up the waking process were thoroughly denied by his body. And so Ignis resigned himself to surfacing ever so slowly, uncertain of what awaited him when he finally opened his eyes.

The sight that greeted him was well worth the wait. A somewhat blurry Noctis was folded into an uncomfortable looking chair, jabbing furiously at the screen of his phone. Playing some sort of game, most likely. Ignis shifted uncomfortably on the hard, thin mattress and Noct's head snapped up at the sound of rustling cloth. Wide blue eyes stared at him.

"Specs? You awake?"

"It - " Ignis paused to clear his throat, which was painfully dry and scratchy. Noctis silently got up and poured a glass of water from a pitcher by Ignis bedside. The chamberlain would have protested if he thought he'd be able to do so without breaking into a coughing fit. As it was, he gratefully accepted the cup that Noctis handed him and drained it. The prince took the empty glass from his hand, set it down on the table and then handed Ignis his spectacles. He then curled back up into his chair, watching Ignis from a distance.

"Thank you. It appears I am," Ignis tried again. 

"How are you feeling?" Noct asked quietly.

Ignis took stock of himself. The profound, soul-sucking weariness that had dragged him down for so long seemed to have lifted a bit. He was still a little shaky, but beyond that he admittedly felt better, more coherent, than he had in a very long time. "I'm fine," he said honestly. The prince snorted in response. "What happened?"

Noctis frowned. "You don't remember?"

"I'm afraid not."

"You passed out. We thought you were having a heart attack or something."

"Oh." Ignis was missing something important. It was niggling at the edge of his memory...we? Oh dear. He covered his eyes with his hand. "I ruined Prompto's birthday. I'm so sorry."

"Specs - "

"Did you at least make it to the concert? I know you were looking forward to it for months."

"Seriously? Ignis, did you hear what I said? We thought you were having a godsdamn _heart attack_. So no, we did not go to the fucking concert!"

The volume of Noct's voice rose in a painful crescendo, quivering with upset. "I'm sorry," Ignis tried again. 

"Stop apologizing!" the prince shouted. Ignis would have flinched away from Noct's righteous fury if he'd not been tied down by a bunch of tubes that were snaking into his arms. "A healthy young person shouldn't have weird heart problems, Ignis! They also shouldn't be severely exhausted, or walking around with a chest infection, or malnourished. Malnourished! A royal advisor! Like, what the _fuck_?"

Dangerous pressure began to build behind Ignis' eyes and he tried to breathe deeply, tried to find some level of inner calm. Composure was a slippery thing, however, and it slithered out of his grasp as tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and spilled down onto his pillow. "I didn't realize - my stomach had been unsettled," Ignis offered weakly. The excuse sounded pitiful to his own ears. 

Tense silence stretched between them forever before Noctis exhaled noisily. He launched himself out of his chair and onto the edge of Ignis' hospital bed. The prince clutched at Ignis' hand - the one without all the needles stuck into it - and squeezed tightly. His eyes were huge in his drawn face. "Gods, Iggy. You scared the shit out of me, you know? I...I thought... " Noct clamped his lips together and looked unreservedly miserable. "I'm sorry for yelling."

"Noct." The chamberlain gave his prince's hand a small experimental tug, and as he'd hoped, the other boy toppled onto the bed and curled up against him as he shuffled over to make room. Ignis wrapped his free arm tightly around Noctis' back, and the thick pressure in his head eased a bit. This was good. "It's alright. I'm here. I'm fine."

Noctis nodded into Ignis' shoulder. "Okay," he mumbled. A warm patch of wetness soaked into his hospital gown where the prince face was buried against his shoulder. When Noct spoke again, his words were more measured. "The docs also found some sort of drug, some stimulant in your blood, I forget what they called it. It wasn't caffeine, and there was a lot of it." 

There was an unspoken question in Noct's voice, and Ignis flushed. How did he tell his prince that he'd resorted to drugs in order to do his job properly? It was appalling, and in looking back, it was hard not to be disgusted with his past self. _Never again._

"They think that you had some sort of reaction, and along with your general - " Noct's hand blindly flailed in the air and nearly knocked off Ignis' glasses " - badness, that's what landed you here."

"My badness. I see." Ignis coughed lightly. His eyelids began to droop as his body relaxed, comfortably warmed by the heat radiating generously off his prince. "How long have I been here?"

"A few days, now. You were out for most of it. They said you really needed the rest."

"A few days?!" Ignis' eyes snapped open as he scrambled to get himself upright. He dragged the prince with him in a tangle of limbs and blankets and tubing. The Council meeting. The budget review. He'd still had so much left to do before this setback. 

"What do you think you're doing? Don't even think about getting up!" 

Ignis allowed himself to be pushed back down onto the bed. In all honestly, he wasn't certain he could have resisted Noct's weight even if he'd tried. "I have work - "

"You always have work. Just let it go, Specs. It'll be fine, I promise."

"But this is very important - "

"For Gods' sake, just _let it go_." The prince bent forward, his head low so that his dark hair obscured his eyes. "Iggy. Why do you do this to yourself?" Noctis sounded lost, brittle, as though he'd shatter into a million pieces if his chamberlain gave him the wrong answer. 

He did it for Noct; he did everything for Noct. It was his purpose in life. Ignis knew this the way he knew the sky was blue and the sun rose in the east. However, he wasn't altogether certain that it was what Noct wanted to hear at the moment, so instead he gently combed his fingers through the prince's unruly hair. 

"How did I not fucking notice? How?" If I had been me, you never would have let it get this far. I wouldn't have ended up half-dead in the hospital."

"Oh, come now. 'Half-dead' is a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it?" Ignis smiled when Noctis rolled his eyes. "It's my place to take care of you and your interests. Not the other way around."

"Ugh, that's such total bullshit," Noctis groaned. 

A flash of hurt raced through Ignis and his hand stilled and then dropped. "I know I haven't done a very good job of it, lately," he said grimly. "My sincerest apologies, Your Highness. I'll do better."

"Six, will you stop that already?" Noctis reached out to clasp his retainer's wrist. "I know all that's like, your job or whatever, and maybe you think you're supposed to work your ass off for me, but it's just... It's not what I want from you, Specs."

"Then what do you want?"

Noct sighed. "I don't want for you to have to get drugged up to get through the day," he said quietly. "I don't want for you to work so much on my behalf that you literally fall flat on your face." Ignis made a small, mortified sound and the prince rolled his eyes again. "And don't worry about that, it's been taken care of." The chamberlain began to protest the potentially inappropriate use of influence when Noct made an impatient gesture that snapped Ignis' lips shut. "I don't need that, Iggy. I don't want it. I just want you to be there, to be around, you know?" Noctis paused, suddenly looking shy and sweet and so very young. "I've missed you, Specs."

Something undefinable swelled in Ignis' chest, something painful, but also so lovely that it was almost unbearable. Blinking rapidly, Ignis pulled Noctis down on top of him once more and folded the prince into a tight embrace. Noct held onto him just as fiercely.

"I'll be there for you, Noct. Always. I promise."

____________________

"May I come in?" 

Four pairs of eyes zipped towards the door at the sound of the new voice. One pair of eyes went back to his phone, uninterested in the visitor, while the other three widened.

"Your Majesty. Of course, please do," Ignis said. 

Prompto and Gladio leapt out of their seats in the presence of their king, and Ignis made to do the same when Regis waved him down. "There's no need," he insisted. 

"Thank you," Ignis said somewhat confusedly. He couldn't help the trickle of dread that slipped down his spine. Why was the king here? Was he here to reprimand Ignis for neglecting his work? To have him arrested for drug use? To tell Ignis his services were no longer needed? A glance at Noct showed that the prince seemed entirely unbothered by his father's presence. So either he wasn't about to get fired, or Noctis didn't know it was going to happen. Ignis desperately hoped the king didn't know how close he had come to letting down the entirety of Lucis. He'd have to pull a couple of all nighters as soon as he was released from the hospital later today, but Ignis thought he'd still be able to get almost everything done before the annual review. 

"I apologize for being lax in my duties, Your Majesty," Ignis offered pre-emptively.

Noct's head snapped up and he glared at his retainer, while Gladio snorted and shook his head. Poor Prompto just looked extremely nervous about finding himself in the presence of the king - he'd only met Regis a couple of times since befriending the prince, and according to Noct had barely been able to squeak out a 'hello' and 'goodbye' each time. 

"Apologies aren't necessary," Regis told him gently, looking a bit taken aback. "How are you doing, Ignis?"

"Much better, Your Majesty. Thank you for asking."

"I'm very happy to hear that. I was hoping that we could have a conversation, you and I."

Gladio took that to be the hint that it was and rose back up out of his chair, hauling Prompto up with him. "Let's go, Blondie," he ordered.

"Uh, okay sure. Later Igster, Noct, we'll see you guys tonight! And um, bye, Your Majesty," Prompto stammered as he was dragged out the door.

"Thank you for visiting," Ignis said as he watched them leave. It was silly, but Gladio and Prompto's absence left him feeling a bit naked and exposed. At least Noctis was still here. He could face anything if Noct was by his side.

"Son? Would you mind?"

Noctis shrugged, glancing up at his father. "No, not at all. Go right ahead."

Regis opened his mouth, presumably to insist that the prince leave, and then closed it again. Rather than being upset, the king looked rather pleased at his son's refusal to leave. He limped over to the chair that Gladio had vacated and slowly lowered himself into it. "Well then. Ignis, I'll be brief. It has come to my attention that there may have been serious abuses of power within the Council."

"Your Majesty?" Ignis was puzzled. Had there been some obvious issue that he'd somehow missed entirely?

"Tell me, Ignis, what have your Council duties been thus far?"

"I've mostly been observing, Your Majesty. I take notes on the daily proceedings, and will offer input when necessary, especially on matters involving His Highness," Ignis recited. Noctis made an irritated noise that suggested he didn't enjoy having a group of crusty old politicians discussing him. Ignis smiled reassuringly at Noct. "I ensure that the prince's interests are represented and that no decisions are made without my, and by proxy the prince's, approval." 

"Good." Regis nodded approvingly. "What else?"

"I have begun participating on smaller committees that focus on specialized areas of governance."

"Such as the budget committee?" There was an odd note in the king's question that suddenly made Ignis wary. _Here it comes,_ he thought.

"Yes," Ignis confirmed quietly. "Such as that."

"And what have you done as part of your assignment?"

"I have been reviewing the expenditures of all the outlying regions of Lucis. My job was to summarize the data for Lord Morari."

"That sounds like a lot." The words were said casually, but Noctis' arms were crossed tightly in front of him, as if he was trying to physically hold himself together.

"It is," the king agreed. "And what sort of support have you received with this?"

"Err..." Ignis paused, uncertain of what it was Regis wanted to hear. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

"Were you provided with help in reviewing the reports? Any sort of guidance?"

"Well, I met with Lord Morari a couple of times towards the beginning. He seemed confident that I'd be able to handle it on my own." It was too bad that Ignis' own confidence had eventually faltered. It was a poor way of repaying a good opportunity.

The king was silent for a long moment, the expression on his face unreadable. Ignis resisted the urge to shrink back against his pillows. It was his failure, and he would face up to the consequences as befitting a consummate professional.

"Lord Morari should have never given such a difficult job to a junior Council member," Regis gravely informed him. "And you should certainly have never been allowed to undertake this task without supervision or without proper support. The reviewing of those documents is meant to be performed by an experienced team led by Morari, not by a single person that is still relatively new to the Council. What he did was incredibly irresponsible."

"I'm sorry - "

"Don't, Iggy," Noct warned sharply. "It's not your fault." The solemn expression on his face brought out the resemblance to his father, and Ignis thought he could see the king that Noctis would become some day.

"Noctis is correct," Regis agreed. "It is most certainly not your fault. We collected the reports you wrote for Morari, and it appears that you were doing a fine job until...well." The king gestured at him. "You're an exceptional young man, Ignis. This isn't about your capabilities. There are protocols in place for a reason, and it was gross negligence on the Councilman's part to ask of you what he did."

"Bastard was apparently on holiday at Galdin Quay this whole time. On _holiday_. We caught him throwing Crown money at a bunch of fucking hookers. Like, literally."

"Yes, thank you, Noctis," the king interjected, and Noct shrugged unapologetically. "Such behavior will absolutely not be tolerated," Regis continued. "Poor spending habits aside, he should never have taken advantage of you and abandoned his own duties. I wanted to personally assure you that he will be dealt with accordingly."

"Hells yeah he will," Noctis muttered under his breath. "You can count on it."

Regis raised an eyebrow at his son. "The Council has appointed a team to finish up your work in prepping for the budget meeting, so you won't have to worry about it once you're released. Although you're still welcome to attend the meeting, if you'd like." 

Ignis blinked. Never mind the news about about Lord Morari's whereabouts these past few weeks; his mind was still trying to process the contradiction between 'should never have been allowed to undertake this task' and 'exceptional young man'. Still, he was aware the king required some sort of response and so he simply thanked him.

Regis waved Ignis off. "You can thank me by getting back on your feet as quickly as possible," he said. "I know things haven't always been easy for you, Ignis, but I hope you know that you do have friends and allies at the Citadel."

After the king took his leave, Noctis bounded back towards Ignis' bed and threw himself down next to his chamberlain. Ignis bit back a grunt as half of Noct's weight landed directly on his arm. "We're gonna nail that fucker to the wall," Noctis informed Ignis gleefully. "Dad was so _pissed_ when he found out what Morari did. Not just about the prostitutes, but about what he did to you."

"It wasn't so bad," Ignis demurred, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Noctis made a rude noise. "Six, you're such a masochist," he said. The prince tucked the length of his body against Ignis' and held himself close. "Remember what you said before, about how it's not my place to take care of you?"

"Yes. I believe you called it 'bullshit'," Ignis said dryly.

Noct huffed out an amused laugh. "It's hilarious when you swear. You should do it more often. Anyway, you were wrong. You're _mine_, Specs. No one gets to mess with what's mine. And if they do..." Noct raised his hand and dramatically clenched his fist, folding one finger at a time. 

Ignis' brows lifted. "You'll shake your fist at them? How very frightening."

"What? No!" Noctis sighed. "You can be a real dick sometimes, you know that? I'm trying to have a moment here."

Ignis laughed. Despite his teasing, the chamberlain basked in a warm, pure glow of appreciation for his prince. "I'm sorry, Your Highness," he murmured.

"Whatever. My Specs. Right?

"Always, Noct." 

Nothing was ever going to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it got a wee bit sappy at the end, but I thought the boys deserved it!
> 
> Also, I realized when I was about 75% of the way done with this that there is absolutely no action whatsoever, it's just the chocobros sitting around yapping at each other. More action next time! Thanks for sticking with it!

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something new... This was supposed to be a short collection of short vignettes. I guess it's still a collection of vignettes? 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
